Dear Santa,Please send me a baby brother.
Santa wrote back:"Send me your mother..."
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Deer santa:I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.Yer Frend,BiLLy
Dear Billy,Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I give you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!Santa
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Dear Santa,I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!Love,Sarah
Dear Sarah,Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?Santa
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Dear Santa,I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.Love,Teddy
Dear Teddy,Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?Santa
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Dear Santa,I want a new bike, a Play station, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.Love,Francis
Dear Francis,Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I'm giving you a doll instead because I bet you're gay.Santa
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Dear Santa,What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?Your friend,Thomas
Dear Thomas,All the toys are made by little kids like you in China . Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.Santa
P.S.Tell your mom she got the part.
Dear Santa,Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?Love,Jessica
Dear Jessica,Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.Santa
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Dearest Santa,We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?Love,Marky
Mark,First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.Sweet Dreams,Santa
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Bootylicious...x 2
Ok, I really don't understand what my problem is. I'm overweight and out of shape and don't do anything about it. If I try to do anything at all, it lasts for about 5 days. The thing that gets me is that my kids are the most important things in this world to me and the thought of something happening to me and not being here for them brings me to tears in an instant. So why on earth don't I take care of myself? I read about heart healthy foods and cancer preventing foods and that's it, I just read about them. My kids are way more important than food so why haven't I gotten a handle on this yet? I want to be the type of person who eats healthy and exercises regularly but it's so hard when you have no self esteem to begin with.
I was a size 5 in high school when my mom had a brain aneurysm rupture and I stopped taking care of myself and started parenting her. I always had to watch my weight though, it's just in my genes. But I remember as a kid eating a bowl of ice cream and my mom looking at me in disgust. She said I ate it like I was making love to it. OMG!!! Who says that??? First of all, I wasn't even old enough to have sex so hello...completely inappropriate! And I remember being in the ICU room on one side of my mom's bed after she had a stroke, with my grandmother on the other side. Actually, it was a heart attack, angioplasty, a stroke and a coma all in 10 days. Well, my grandmother just shakes her head and says she can't believe my mom had a heart attack, they always thought it would be me with my little ol' heart carrying around that big ol' body. Again...OMG!!! I was in shock. First of all, I wasn't that big. And second, my mom never exercised a day in her life and practically chain smoked so where exactly was the surprise in that heart attack? She was naturally little but by no means was she healthy. She was all fat and no muscle but she was "little" so there you go.
But anyway, I barely have any pictures of me with my kids and we don't have a family picture even though we started our family 4 1/2 years ago. It breaks my heart. I don't want my kids to ever remember me looking like this. I want to get healthy before they're old enough to know what "fat" is. I want to get into shape and to have them be shocked later in life when they see pictures of me the way I look now. Don't get me wrong, I am a fantastic mother. Nothing and no one comes before my kids. They are very well loved and taken care of. My husband and I don't even go out to eat without them. We just love them so much and genuinely love being with them. So why on earth am I such an unhealthy person and risking not being with them for many years to come? I don't want them to have to experience the things that I did with my mom and her health.
I guess my desire to blog about this is me wanting to call myself out. I HAVE to do something to get healthy. I have enough "tools" to get me headed in the right direction but the problem I always face is that I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person. If I don't eat perfectly or exercise perfectly, then I quit. Thank God I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol, I don't think I would ever be able to kick one of those. If I fell off the wagon, I would be like "oh well". But my lazy lifestyle when it comes to my health is becoming just as bad.
I just went to visit family for Thanksgiving and was completely ashamed that I had gained weight since the last time they saw me. I wanted to be in better shape for a trip to Disney but it's too late because that trip is about to happen. I want to be in better shape for a Celine Dion (don't give me any grief...lol!) concert I'm going to next month and have front row tickets to. I want to be in better shape for a trip we're taking in February. We have to fly and I feel so out of control that I'm now worried about fitting into the seats on the plane. I know I'll fit in the seats but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to say that a year from now at my pace. I want to be in better shape for a hockey game we're going to because I no longer fit into my hockey jersey...well, not around my butt anyway. So I have all these goals but they seem to come and go and my weight loss just goes nowhere.
Well, I've now called myself out and spoken what I speak to no one. I am right here and right now committing to lose 10 pounds. I have a treadmill, a Bowflex, numerous work-out dvd's that my daughter loves to do with me, and I have a brand new (still in the box) Wii Fit. There's no excuse! So keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck. Hell...pray and light a candle...I'll need it!
I was a size 5 in high school when my mom had a brain aneurysm rupture and I stopped taking care of myself and started parenting her. I always had to watch my weight though, it's just in my genes. But I remember as a kid eating a bowl of ice cream and my mom looking at me in disgust. She said I ate it like I was making love to it. OMG!!! Who says that??? First of all, I wasn't even old enough to have sex so hello...completely inappropriate! And I remember being in the ICU room on one side of my mom's bed after she had a stroke, with my grandmother on the other side. Actually, it was a heart attack, angioplasty, a stroke and a coma all in 10 days. Well, my grandmother just shakes her head and says she can't believe my mom had a heart attack, they always thought it would be me with my little ol' heart carrying around that big ol' body. Again...OMG!!! I was in shock. First of all, I wasn't that big. And second, my mom never exercised a day in her life and practically chain smoked so where exactly was the surprise in that heart attack? She was naturally little but by no means was she healthy. She was all fat and no muscle but she was "little" so there you go.
But anyway, I barely have any pictures of me with my kids and we don't have a family picture even though we started our family 4 1/2 years ago. It breaks my heart. I don't want my kids to ever remember me looking like this. I want to get healthy before they're old enough to know what "fat" is. I want to get into shape and to have them be shocked later in life when they see pictures of me the way I look now. Don't get me wrong, I am a fantastic mother. Nothing and no one comes before my kids. They are very well loved and taken care of. My husband and I don't even go out to eat without them. We just love them so much and genuinely love being with them. So why on earth am I such an unhealthy person and risking not being with them for many years to come? I don't want them to have to experience the things that I did with my mom and her health.
I guess my desire to blog about this is me wanting to call myself out. I HAVE to do something to get healthy. I have enough "tools" to get me headed in the right direction but the problem I always face is that I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person. If I don't eat perfectly or exercise perfectly, then I quit. Thank God I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol, I don't think I would ever be able to kick one of those. If I fell off the wagon, I would be like "oh well". But my lazy lifestyle when it comes to my health is becoming just as bad.
I just went to visit family for Thanksgiving and was completely ashamed that I had gained weight since the last time they saw me. I wanted to be in better shape for a trip to Disney but it's too late because that trip is about to happen. I want to be in better shape for a Celine Dion (don't give me any grief...lol!) concert I'm going to next month and have front row tickets to. I want to be in better shape for a trip we're taking in February. We have to fly and I feel so out of control that I'm now worried about fitting into the seats on the plane. I know I'll fit in the seats but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to say that a year from now at my pace. I want to be in better shape for a hockey game we're going to because I no longer fit into my hockey jersey...well, not around my butt anyway. So I have all these goals but they seem to come and go and my weight loss just goes nowhere.
Well, I've now called myself out and spoken what I speak to no one. I am right here and right now committing to lose 10 pounds. I have a treadmill, a Bowflex, numerous work-out dvd's that my daughter loves to do with me, and I have a brand new (still in the box) Wii Fit. There's no excuse! So keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck. Hell...pray and light a candle...I'll need it!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Toys for Tots - NOT!
My sister-in-law (SIL) worked for a small town for a few years. Every year they collected toys for Toys For Tots and distributed them within the community. And guess what? Every year my neice got a new bike and many other toys from it. In fact, I am pretty sure they got their Wii from it as well.
My MIL mentioned they wanted her to buy Wii for my neice that Christmas and how she thought they were too expensive. In a seperate conversation she told me how people were donating Wiis to the TFT that my SIL was helping with. Guess who got a Wii that year?
It really pissed me off because both my SIL and BIL were working. Did they make a lot of money? No. But did they need charitable christmas gifts? HELL NO!
Well, this year, my SIL lost her job a few weeks ago (not the same job with the small town) and a ex coworker at the small town called her up and asked her to come for 2 days and help wrap the TFT gifts and help with the distribution. They offered her gas money and her pick of any of the gifts. She agreed. After the first day she called my MIL and told her about all the wonderful toys available and how it was even better than before. She said she can't wait to pick out what she wants for her daughter.
Again, I want to puke. They are not hurting and in great need. My MIL said my SIL already had all her Christmas shopping done before she got laid off. So she has no need for this stuff. She is just being greedy.
Ugh. Someday it will come back to bite her. I just know it!
Me, well, I am not in a great financial position this year. But I keep giving and giving where I can. Because a good friend once told me if you are in need, give more and you will eventually get more in return. So I am going with that for now!
My MIL mentioned they wanted her to buy Wii for my neice that Christmas and how she thought they were too expensive. In a seperate conversation she told me how people were donating Wiis to the TFT that my SIL was helping with. Guess who got a Wii that year?
It really pissed me off because both my SIL and BIL were working. Did they make a lot of money? No. But did they need charitable christmas gifts? HELL NO!
Well, this year, my SIL lost her job a few weeks ago (not the same job with the small town) and a ex coworker at the small town called her up and asked her to come for 2 days and help wrap the TFT gifts and help with the distribution. They offered her gas money and her pick of any of the gifts. She agreed. After the first day she called my MIL and told her about all the wonderful toys available and how it was even better than before. She said she can't wait to pick out what she wants for her daughter.
Again, I want to puke. They are not hurting and in great need. My MIL said my SIL already had all her Christmas shopping done before she got laid off. So she has no need for this stuff. She is just being greedy.
Ugh. Someday it will come back to bite her. I just know it!
Me, well, I am not in a great financial position this year. But I keep giving and giving where I can. Because a good friend once told me if you are in need, give more and you will eventually get more in return. So I am going with that for now!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Sex and Anxiety
Due to a series of events in my life recently, I have finally given in to my doctor who for 2 years has been trying to get me on anti-anxiety pills to make life easier for me. They are the wonder drug and I am sorry I waited so long!
Anyways, that is not what this post is about. It is about the funny thing my husband said tonight.
He was giving me a back rub as we watched TV and I told him about this article I read about women's sex lives as they age. It said that women have a lot of stress, anxiety, depression and responsibilities in their lives as caregivers and such that it often effects their libido. An having to take anti-anxiety medication doesn't help.
He said, "It isn't anti-anxiety. It is anti-penis. I'm up against some serious blockage. I gotta once, twice, three times and even four times my lady to even get some!"
Anyways, that is not what this post is about. It is about the funny thing my husband said tonight.
He was giving me a back rub as we watched TV and I told him about this article I read about women's sex lives as they age. It said that women have a lot of stress, anxiety, depression and responsibilities in their lives as caregivers and such that it often effects their libido. An having to take anti-anxiety medication doesn't help.
He said, "It isn't anti-anxiety. It is anti-penis. I'm up against some serious blockage. I gotta once, twice, three times and even four times my lady to even get some!"
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